219

Working in this field, I come to know many things which I have not seen before, when I was in a bubble.
I used to think that men & women, get married, have kids, have minor domestic disagreements, live happily ever after and then die in each other arms. Yes, idealist-I am. Coming from a family who is quite complete I must say, parents do have their usual disagreements but not to the extent that we find out that one of them is cheating on one another. Nope, there was no such history before, so when I came into this field, I learn even more each day.

I knew of people (whom I shall not named) that have more than 10 kids, yet I still see the same person with different girls every time I come to work in Lumut. I knew of someone who has a loving wife, and 2 kids, yet still find every opportunity to go to such places and bring home different girls every night. In fact, I have also found out that this also apply to the younger ones whom I knew of. Who have girlfriends back from where they came from, yet they go out every fortnight, and come home with girls.

The more I hear of stories, the more I lose trust in men. How can they be like this?

Some even have the nerve to tell me that "men is like this..".Erm, but if your wife/gf were to cheat on you, I wonder if you dickheads were to be as calm to think, "Aiya, women.."

218

What 
doesn't 
kill
ME,
only
makes
ME
Stronger!

"Actually why are you afraid of him (boss)? You are scared that he will talk bad behind your back to bigger boss, get you fired, etc?"

I am just easily affected emotionally. Strong exterior, weak interior. 

217

Bersih 2.0.
Read it, googled it, can't understand it.

Am I not patriotic?
Gosh, the 3-month National Service stint effect has worn out. 

216

This morning, I woke up on a new mattress.
The smell of the room was different from the usual smell. Smell of the greasy construction site and the noise of the traffic..seems to be missing this morning.

We have shifted to a new room. Smaller but less noise.

In 10 mins I have to leave for Lumut. The thought of having to go back to the office, or having to travel 3 hours to Lumut, the latter seems to be a better choice for now. 

215

I blame myself for not being so meticulous about things.
Like how I couldn't/didn't see the structure shifted on the barge, so I wasn't able to trace out the actual position of the boogies on the barge.
In the end, when I submitted to the senior colleague, he replied in a harsh manner that it was totally wrong, and that I should read the drawings carefully and not always ask only.
Okay, maybe it was not harsh, but it was really straight to the point. I was upset of course, not sure if it's because of this treatment, or because I am a four-eyed, yet didn't even notice this slight change, at all.

Then it got me thinking.

It incurred to me that I was asking around for answers.
To them, I was a dependent person. Always asking for the right answers.

To me, because this is an entire new field, and I felt that I should always ask for answers before doing anything, in case I did something wrong, then it would be a waste of time. I know, to some, this may seem to be frustrating because sometimes questions can be deemed as annoyance, or redundant, but I guess it is in my blood to ask.

Time and time, I feel that I am not suitable for this. 

214

I hate the fact I'm affected when I get angry remarks from my senior colleagues.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

213

I would just stop writing here. 

212

Found inspiration, but too brain dead to write. 

211

This morning, there was breeze, and then the rain.
I woke up early, just to attend a meeting. I got caught in the rain, undecided whether to leave the car, to run under the rain or just stay put in the car. I had to walk about a kilo or less, until I reach the shade. Couldn't stay put for long, because the rain didn't seem to want to stop pouring, and the clock was ticking.

I ended up early for meeting, but guess what, all soaked up inside. Drenched with rain water.
I waited for 20 minutes, before the client actually came. So much for being punctual (and wet).
The meeting was pure torture, because I felt that they were taking advantage of me. Usually I attend such meetings with my much experienced senior, but today I went in alone (with another colleague) and I felt that I was being "played". I tried my best to "tai chi" everything, and didn't give any confirmation until they issued an email to us, cc my bosses. Which I felt it was a wise thing to do, because then I wouldn't have to answer for anything.

Lesson 101 - Tai-Chi your work.

After meeting, I was under the sun for more than 10 hours today (again!) because there was an Operation on-going. Everytime I attend such Load Outs, I felt I learn something new all over again. Good.

Now I have a tanned skin and hopefully don't fall sick because of the rain and heat.
I have an aching feet, and would really love a foot massage now!!!

210

10 hours of work today. Under the sun.

209

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err."
-Mohandas Gandhi

Tonight, I was part of the team, trying to amend a 72-page long proposal, after slight changes to the C.O.G of the structure. I finished my part, and left my other 2 seniors to complete their part. Although I felt bad having to leave them but because my hotel is at the other side of the town, so I had to leave earlier.

As soon as I touched down, I decided to send a text, bearing words of encouragement so that they would be able to complete their individual tasks on time.
Having received their replies, I felt that I've done the right thing.

Sometimes, I teared easily. Emotions running high at this hour. :)

208

This weekend was all about Father's Day, and I'm pretty sure almost all whom would had the opportunity would definitely bring their Fathers (and Mothers) out for dinners/lunches. How did you spend yours?

My weekend ENDED, when I got a text from Dad that my granddad has been admitted into the hospital the night before. I was worried but also glad that if it had to happen, it couldn't happen on such a right weekend, because I was given a long weekend off, since I was in Lumut. I got back to Ipoh on Friday afternoon, to find out that Dad was also on his way home, from KL. Anyway, if you're wondering at this point, what diseases/mishaps that my Granddad was admitted for, it was because he was a patient of DM (Diabetes Mellitus)-high blood sugar and because of that, his open wound is not able to heal properly which causes bacteria infection, thus inflammation which led to fever and because he's of old age, the family got all worried and decided to best admit into one of the finest hospitals in Ipoh. 

So, you must have guessed it correctly - my whole weekend was spent in the hospital, visiting my granddad most of the time. 

Dad is a filial son, so much so, most of the time, he would wake up early, to go to the hospital, and buy food for his dad. The other sons were busy with the family business, thus couldn't make it there, as frequent as mine. I admire the fact that my dad (who has also aged throughout the years!) can be so patient with my granddad. Considering that my granddad has lost the inability to walk properly, unless with the aid of a wheelchair or having to stagger with the help of his trusty walking stick. 

Two nights ago, Granddad has voiced out that he wants to be discharged due to reasons which I don't know. I would've guessed that he feels lonely/bored in the hospital and couldn't get the attention/affection of his family. Or maybe the older generation might think that it would be too costly to stay so long in the hospital and tricked themselves into thinking that they have healed miraculously. Anyway, the brothers had a slight argument; one side wanting him to stay in the hospital to recuperate and on the other hand, my dad whom I believed, has a better understanding of his dad's wishes, firmly agrees that his dad to return home. 

So Dad won, probably because he's the eldest lot in the family. 

But I was secretly on the other family's side, because I would know that it is difficult for my granddad to even go to the toilet, what more to walk about in the double-storey corner house? My dad was determined to make it better for my granddad, and even took time off from work on a Monday, to fetch him to the hospital TWICE A DAY for his antibiotic injection. You know how difficult that would be? For him, for the family and for my granddad himself? 
Having to walk to the car, slowly, then to the hospital, and repeat the entire process altogether, daily?

I would definitely understand why my uncles/uncles' wives were against the idea, because my dad is always in KL and have not faced my granddad so directly and for a long time before. I understand. 

So when my dad was grumbling about how his brothers were trying to push the responsibilities to one another, I told him that maybe they are not wrong. Maybe they have reached their limits, of having to take care of his dad. And to know that staying in the hospital would be a wiser choice, since there would be nurses waiting in hand for him. And how dangerous it would be, leaving both old folks (granddad and grandma) in the house, and if one would fall down, both of them would be helpless. He knows, but I think he's torn apart. 

Knowing that his father craves for some attention from his children, and to know that staying in the hospital would be a better choice. 

My granddad is home now. Earlier, I see both dad and him, both struggling up the staircase, just to go to the toilet. It would only be valid for today and tomorrow, what if dad returns to KL? Who's going to bring him to the toilet? 
And I was afraid that one of them would have slipped the hand guard, 2 of them would have tumbled down. How am I going to resist the 2 of them falling?

As idealistic it may be, when we were younger, we learn that children who send their parents/grandparents to the Old Folks' Home are immoral. But do we know, that sometimes, sending them there, is because of other circumstances? It is easy to say "I can take care of him" but when it comes to the real thing, can you really forgo your present commitment and look after your parents? Providing them with 24/7 attention? Can we stop our jobs, just to stay at home?

Yes, in the ideal world, but definitely not in the realistic one. 

Does that mean we love them lesser? 
No. 

I'm grateful I come from a family who does not send their parents to Old Folks'. And for the fact that I still have my paternal grandparents with me. 
I can't control what my dad decides to do.

All I can do, is just hope my granddad heals quickly. 

Happy Fathers' Day, Pa. 

207

Usually if I have nothing better to do, I look back at my FB pictures, and found gems. 

We've all played hard, studied, (cheated some way or another!), played even more, graduated on time, now working for about a year now. But this year, I don't have such birthday celebrations/parties anymore, because we are all separated miles apart, or even engaged in work/non-work related activities. No one is available to make time to scheme for birthday parties or for that matters, a small gathering because we are all too carried away with the rat race. Large groups have shrunk, only able to make way for small gatherings, to catch up on even more work related conversations.

For once, I wished we would not talk about whether Petronas is making money for this term, or about the state of the country's economy.
I wished we could talk about when we could see each other the next time, and make more time for one another.
2012 is just around the corner, and I'm not the only one who's waiting for it to come. 

206

Out of frustration, I vent out on my keyboard.

I want this to be a little more constructive, instead of a computer keyboard, imagine the kind of magic I could do, if it was a musical keyboard.
The awesome tunes would be a substitute to the beautiful words I churn out here.
I would be my own musician, in my own melody.
I can be one of the most emotional musicians alive.

I would be ME. And not the person you see dreading to work each day.
I would not be the person who constantly talks gibberish almost every minute.

I would be making beautiful sounds. And making sure it's loud.
Yeah.

I would make sure I don't run out of tune.

Do-Re-Mi-FUCK! 

205

The buildings are no longer there.
Torn down, bring along the memories. 

204

I like how this picture turned out to be. I am sure a lot of editing needed to be done to have such a picturesque effect. And how vibrant and young we look! 

203

I think we are destined to meet some people whom would affect your life paths, one way or another.

Just a few days ago, it struck my mind that I may not have the characteristics of a strong career person a.k.a muka tebal, due to my unexplained level of ego-ness that I possess. It's because I often think of what people may or may not comment about my actions/words, that I often put a step back which might not be a good point in being successful. In school, they always say that there are no stupid questions. No questions are stupid, but I would definitely not be the one who would post such questions and look stupid in front of the crowd.

Although at this point, some of you may think that this is contradicting from my usual self, because back in those days, I may look like the CLASS CLOWN but I guess, deep inside, I am in fact very much caution about how people might view me as.

I don't know if this entry makes sense, because I am in the midst of some serious doubts. 

202

"I'm not upset that you lied, I'm upset that I don't believe in you anymore."

201

So last night, the missus and I decided to use the voucher I've bought eons ago, from MilkADeal.
78% saved, from RM168 for a Jacuzzi Spa + Full Body Scrub + Hot Stone Massage + Aromatherapy Full Body Massage for 90 minutes. It sounded like a good deal then, and I wanted to give the missus a treat on her birthday (which didn't happen!) and thus, we only managed to use it last night.

I was really excited though, because the day before, we went to RPM class, and actually got butt-hurt because of the bike seat. And the amount of peddling we did, I guess if I was on an actual bike, I would have reached Ipoh from PJ! Because it was my first RPM class, I was actually "cheating" a little, I couldn't peddle as fast as the instructor and if I were to be on a real bike, or so to speak, I'd have been left behind! Like really really reallliiieeeee beeehind...

Anyway, back to the SPA experience, it was really awkward because the 2 of us were asked to be in a room and stripped to the bare, given only a piece of disposable G-Strings.



So, the both of us were really awkward, to be nude in front of strangers, but I just want to get over it really quick, so I just stripped and face front onto the bed. The masseur came and covered my exposed butt and back. Oh horror!
I enjoyed the Aroma Body Massage but not so, the Jacuzzi Spa. Maybe for the fact that I didn't really know what to do? The attendee just came and told me to get into the tub and that's it. Like whaa?
So I was in the tub, on my own, wondering what the hell am I supposed to do in the tub. And I was worried that I might look stupid when the fella were to come in and see my exposed breasts (which she had seen earlier! due to the body scrubbing)..so I was really tensed up in the tub.

Anyway, I could do with the body scrubbing because of my nature of work. I don't really spend much time at the showers! (not because I'm lazy), it's because like any other normal ladies, they spend lotsa time, showering, pampering themselves, put on lotions and stuffs etc. But for me, just shower and out I come.
I think, for today, I am as clean as baby skin..I guess..All the dead cells must have been lifted up and disposed!

The Hot Stones massage was -meh! Because all I got was a couple of stones (not even hot for me!) placed on my back, and a couple of rolling and that was it. Hmm..Well, only shows that I should try another Hot Stone Massage place if I were to come across such an awesome deal.

After the spa session, of course the fella would approach us to talk us into buying the packages. I was firm this time (the other time, we got persuaded to purchase facial packages - but that was because the missus love the treatment!) and told her I am not interested and off we went. It was good for a first-time experience and now, I would know that I should only go for body massages which doesn't expect us to be stark naked. 

You can also read reviews here: http://kiasubridezilla.blogspot.com/2011/04/review-eve-de-beaute.html

200

This is fucking ridiculous!

The more I read about this ridiculous club, the more I feel like *aarrgghhh!!!*
#facepalms

It's like Malaysia doesn't have enough worries of its own, now with such thing called Obedience Wife Club, I really wanna whack the person who thought of this idea in the first place.
Suddenly the years before, when women fought for Liberation seems meaningless, because now, wives are expected to be OBEDIENT creatures and to be better than a "First Class" prostitute to their sex-hungry husbands.

All of a sudden, women are being compared to prostitutes.
I don't know why, there are actually people who agreed to be part of this club!

I agree with the saying that God created Eve, because the first attempt was a flop! (hehe!)
But with the saying that Adam has needs, only God created Eve? Please.

Please don't be so stupid.
A medical doctor?

199

-Taken from Milktoof.

How demotivating - for a Monday. 

198

Weekend was awesome.
Well, no, I did not venture to some remote island (in fact I was glad that I could be in the city for ONE weekend)
However, we made an effort to meet our common friends, for dinner and a drink, after.
I guess when work takes a toll, we tend to lose focus on what we want in our lives. Like work, work work and then one day, we realized it's too late to make amends and certainly, in your death eulogy, your friends are the ones who's going to say nice things about you; not your bosses.

Haven't been seeing them for quite a while. It was great catching up.
Decided to sit around OverTime, enjoyed their pint of Starker, and found my age catching up on me.
Seen the crowd, and realized I haven't been out so much compared to last time. Smoked a few puffs, and definitely had a wonderful weekend.

Sunday morning was a pain though. I had to work early in the morning, and really felt pressured about work. Thank goodness, the senior colleagues were really helpful, because I really did feel a heart burn when I knew the amount of spreadsheets I had to face.

197

I know, I know..A minute ago, I was whining about the tremendous workload I have from work, and here I am!
I tend to deviate from the actual reason I forced myself to be awake at this hour, and actually went on to facebook and scanned through a hell lot of pictures.
Actually I see people my age, tend to dress up in nice suites, or in very awesome dressings, and here I am, only with polo-tees and shorts. I feel like I couldn't dress to kill..and I definitely want to try. But I don't know what type of fashion I am deem to be in, or even which haircut I should go for.

Heck, I can't even categorize myself properly!
When people ask me, if I am an Andro or Butch, I tend to go with "Femme"! Because I don't even know what I am!

196

It's 8.09am, and here I am, wide awake trying to complete some of the work I brought home.
The due date is today, and I'm trying my best to rush it.
The thing with Engineering design is most of them are on trial-and-error basis. Means there is no such thing as an ABSOLUTE, DEFINITE answer, but there are many ways of going about it.
Thus the trial-and-error part.

Couldn't sleep well last night, thus fiddled with a new blog account.
This time I opted to start a Tumblr account, since I see most of my counterparts post pictures on Tumblr but I find it not-user friendly when wanting to post entries.

Is there a platform which I can post pictures of my FOOD (*drools*) escapades and just write a few words?
I'm currently doing all that, on Instagram for iPhone, but I doubt many would be able to see it.

Sorry, I'm a show-off like that. Food mah, I wanna show what I indulge in!

195

"Wow, you are now in PJ already? Like superwoman!"

If only there's ENRICH miles everytime I travel, I guess I would be the envy of many.

194

"In the mornings, some would wake up to live their dreams, or do something they like,
In the mornings, I...

I wake up to work for someone else's dreams. "

No, not quoting from anyone, although I am not sure if anyone else have written such pessimistic notes before. So, if someone out there who wants to use the line above, HAS TO QUOTE ME.