Bunga Api sounds outside now.
I'm staying in, keeping myself sane.
I'm hungry.
I should probably not starve and go grab some food.
I love friends who are supportive of my delusional thoughts.
I have friends who care enough to listen to my rantings and tell me to not die, yet.
My new year's resolution for 2012 would be:
- Get myself back in shape. Because I realized that I have VERY low self esteem and one of the ways to regain confidence is by looking good.
- Stay in my current job AND GIVE IT A TRY AT LEAST. 2 YEARS MINIMUM and if I still hate it then, Engineering is not my kind of job. And then I have to move on by then.
2 years is enough to tell my parents and myself that I am not cut out for it IN THE EVENT IF I REALLY CAN'T FLARE in this.
(Please do remind me, from time to time, during my anxiety attacks!)
- Regain control of my financial independence.
Amitabha. Amen.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
280
While everyone decides to flood the city for the 10-sec count down to a new year, I am home.
I remember ranting about that, because there were plans made and for once, I would really like to get drunk on a new year's eve. When my dad proposed an idea for us to get to Penang for a one day trip for our annual praying session with the grandparents, I immediately turned down the idea because I had a hunch that the island would be flooded with young adults wanting to count down to a new year. However, mum gave me a last minute call, 2 days before today, saying that they really want me to tag along, and also could be a substitute driver for dad, in the event if he feels tired and also, she made a rather disheartening statement; something along the lines of "Wah, you'd rather spend your time with your friends than your family?", which made me really torn apart for some reasons.
So I came home anyway.
Half-heartedly at first because I would be away from the missus for the new year's, and also the group of friends whom are plotting a boycott of myself due to my sudden pull-out from the party.
We end up in Penang today, surprisingly not much of traffic. I wonder where the cars went?
It was a 24-hour bonding session with the parents and my grandfather, and also with a lot of local food. If you were to ask me, if I regret doing it now, regret coming back home on a new year's eve, spending this night with my parents while everyone is ready to go out for a count down party session, I would probably say no now.
Looking at the way my grandfather wobbling with the aid of a walking stick, really brought a tinge of sadness inside me. It was not too long ago when he was very healthy, and would often bring us around, to parks, to eateries, and now, he needs to rely on us, as an additional aid to his walking stick. And also my parents. Not too long now before they would turn old and feeble too.
I am glad that I did come home, despite all the rantings and (cursings) earlier.
I have no idea how I am spending the new year's eve tonight. Definitely not at some impromptu partying in Ipoh, but maybe just a quiet night with the parents, or just facing the computer screen.
How are you spending the new year's eve? Stuck at home, just like myself? Or getting ready to welcome the new year with a bang?
Either way, don't forget to call home.
There was a quote which I read somewhere today, which goes:
"Love thy parents. We are too busy growing up, we forgot that they are growing old too."
I remember ranting about that, because there were plans made and for once, I would really like to get drunk on a new year's eve. When my dad proposed an idea for us to get to Penang for a one day trip for our annual praying session with the grandparents, I immediately turned down the idea because I had a hunch that the island would be flooded with young adults wanting to count down to a new year. However, mum gave me a last minute call, 2 days before today, saying that they really want me to tag along, and also could be a substitute driver for dad, in the event if he feels tired and also, she made a rather disheartening statement; something along the lines of "Wah, you'd rather spend your time with your friends than your family?", which made me really torn apart for some reasons.
So I came home anyway.
Half-heartedly at first because I would be away from the missus for the new year's, and also the group of friends whom are plotting a boycott of myself due to my sudden pull-out from the party.
We end up in Penang today, surprisingly not much of traffic. I wonder where the cars went?
It was a 24-hour bonding session with the parents and my grandfather, and also with a lot of local food. If you were to ask me, if I regret doing it now, regret coming back home on a new year's eve, spending this night with my parents while everyone is ready to go out for a count down party session, I would probably say no now.
Looking at the way my grandfather wobbling with the aid of a walking stick, really brought a tinge of sadness inside me. It was not too long ago when he was very healthy, and would often bring us around, to parks, to eateries, and now, he needs to rely on us, as an additional aid to his walking stick. And also my parents. Not too long now before they would turn old and feeble too.
I am glad that I did come home, despite all the rantings and (cursings) earlier.
I have no idea how I am spending the new year's eve tonight. Definitely not at some impromptu partying in Ipoh, but maybe just a quiet night with the parents, or just facing the computer screen.
How are you spending the new year's eve? Stuck at home, just like myself? Or getting ready to welcome the new year with a bang?
Either way, don't forget to call home.
There was a quote which I read somewhere today, which goes:
"Love thy parents. We are too busy growing up, we forgot that they are growing old too."
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
278
It rained pretty hard in the evening, and I was unlucky to forget about my umbrella.
My company however, prepares drivers to fetch their employees to their respective car parks during such times, but priority given to women la.
I didn't get myself drenched by walking to the car park, however I got wet, because some stupid SOHAI decided to put advertisement leaflets on my windscreen and when it rained, it got stuck onto my windscreen. And I had to remove it, which explains why I got so wet.
Anyway, it took me 1.5 hours to reach home. I'm not complaining because minutes ago, I saw pictures on facebook stating that KL has massive flood all over when I was just there not too long ago!! Phew. Blessing in disguise. And I am glad I left the office earlier or else I would have stuck there until now.
My company however, prepares drivers to fetch their employees to their respective car parks during such times, but priority given to women la.
I didn't get myself drenched by walking to the car park, however I got wet, because some stupid SOHAI decided to put advertisement leaflets on my windscreen and when it rained, it got stuck onto my windscreen. And I had to remove it, which explains why I got so wet.
Anyway, it took me 1.5 hours to reach home. I'm not complaining because minutes ago, I saw pictures on facebook stating that KL has massive flood all over when I was just there not too long ago!! Phew. Blessing in disguise. And I am glad I left the office earlier or else I would have stuck there until now.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
277
I survived my first week at work.
Came back to Ipoh for the weekend to celebrate my grandpa's birthday. We had dinner at some fancy Chinese restaurant, which coincidentally accommodating a wedding dinner. So it was awkward to have to go through the reception tables, while the host was probably wondering who we were. Chinese restaurants like these have to bear in mind the awkwardness/embarrassments the customers have to go through and come up with a better solution for separate entrances.
Don't need to be a smart fella to know that.
Thought that I could spend my weekend sleeping till late. My definition of late would be at least until 8-9. I don't get such luxury during weekdays now. Have to wake up at 5.45am from now on wards to avoid the traffic which piles up very easily in the city centre. Anyway, story cut short, I did not. For 2 week nights, I have been sleeping at 3 in the morning. Last night was up to update my iPhone's iOS. I couldn't resist, especially with the internet at home. I lose my Jailbreak just for the update, though I may regret now, when I have lose all my illegal apps.
There's no win-win situation anymore.
Woke up early this morning to bring my grandpa to the hospital for his usual treatment. He wobbles when he walks now, so I was a little worried. What if I dropped him or something? Will the family blame me? That's why I try not to get involved too much, because I certainly can't bear with the guilt IF something does happen. He had his treatment, I brought him for breakfast and he managed to chat up with his friends in the coffee shop.
The day seems good. I even had short conversations with his friends. This is the least I could do for him, being her granddaughter.
And after I brought him home, just had to bump into my grandma.
And that was how my day suddenly took a 180 degree turn.
She asked me what did I wear for work now. As expected, her choice of answer was always, "Skirts?". In the past, to avoid all repercussions, I would always lie to make them happy. In situations like that, I would usually go "Yeah, erm" But me being 25 next year, decided that I should just be myself. So I told her I wear slacks to work. With the air-conditions and all.
And they went skeptical.
Then my grandpa went saying that, "Listen to me, you are getting older. So have to wear properly.", which indirectly translated to "Look! You have to start being more ladylike and wear skirts. No more shorts and t-shirts for you!" I don't know if he thinks that just because he's my grandpa which makes it compulsory to listen to him? Hell no.
And the two of them went something like must wear more ladylike..something like that.
It made me felt pressured, so I smiled and said "OK." and left.
I didn't know how to react to them, and even relate the matter to them. All along I thought that my family would accept me for who I am. This is about my clothing preferences, not even to my sexual preferences yet. I felt suffocated even at home.
I know I shouldn't be a drama queen but I felt it's super hard to even wear feminine clothings now. Maybe it's because of my unexceptional body figure and size, that I feel inferior of the types of clothes I put on, OR it's just the way I'm born. Have been like these since young, and still, they don't get it.
I don't even know what to do. Cousin's wedding is in March, and OF COURSE THEY EXPECT ME TO GO IN SOMETHING SOCIALLY-ACCEPTABLE FOR A 25-YEAR OLD FEMALE.
I hate this.
Came back to Ipoh for the weekend to celebrate my grandpa's birthday. We had dinner at some fancy Chinese restaurant, which coincidentally accommodating a wedding dinner. So it was awkward to have to go through the reception tables, while the host was probably wondering who we were. Chinese restaurants like these have to bear in mind the awkwardness/embarrassments the customers have to go through and come up with a better solution for separate entrances.
Don't need to be a smart fella to know that.
Thought that I could spend my weekend sleeping till late. My definition of late would be at least until 8-9. I don't get such luxury during weekdays now. Have to wake up at 5.45am from now on wards to avoid the traffic which piles up very easily in the city centre. Anyway, story cut short, I did not. For 2 week nights, I have been sleeping at 3 in the morning. Last night was up to update my iPhone's iOS. I couldn't resist, especially with the internet at home. I lose my Jailbreak just for the update, though I may regret now, when I have lose all my illegal apps.
There's no win-win situation anymore.
Woke up early this morning to bring my grandpa to the hospital for his usual treatment. He wobbles when he walks now, so I was a little worried. What if I dropped him or something? Will the family blame me? That's why I try not to get involved too much, because I certainly can't bear with the guilt IF something does happen. He had his treatment, I brought him for breakfast and he managed to chat up with his friends in the coffee shop.
The day seems good. I even had short conversations with his friends. This is the least I could do for him, being her granddaughter.
And after I brought him home, just had to bump into my grandma.
And that was how my day suddenly took a 180 degree turn.
She asked me what did I wear for work now. As expected, her choice of answer was always, "Skirts?". In the past, to avoid all repercussions, I would always lie to make them happy. In situations like that, I would usually go "Yeah, erm" But me being 25 next year, decided that I should just be myself. So I told her I wear slacks to work. With the air-conditions and all.
And they went skeptical.
Then my grandpa went saying that, "Listen to me, you are getting older. So have to wear properly.", which indirectly translated to "Look! You have to start being more ladylike and wear skirts. No more shorts and t-shirts for you!" I don't know if he thinks that just because he's my grandpa which makes it compulsory to listen to him? Hell no.
And the two of them went something like must wear more ladylike..something like that.
It made me felt pressured, so I smiled and said "OK." and left.
I didn't know how to react to them, and even relate the matter to them. All along I thought that my family would accept me for who I am. This is about my clothing preferences, not even to my sexual preferences yet. I felt suffocated even at home.
I know I shouldn't be a drama queen but I felt it's super hard to even wear feminine clothings now. Maybe it's because of my unexceptional body figure and size, that I feel inferior of the types of clothes I put on, OR it's just the way I'm born. Have been like these since young, and still, they don't get it.
I don't even know what to do. Cousin's wedding is in March, and OF COURSE THEY EXPECT ME TO GO IN SOMETHING SOCIALLY-ACCEPTABLE FOR A 25-YEAR OLD FEMALE.
I hate this.
276
Funny there's nothing better to write about anymore.
Concerned with a friend.
Emotional attacks - used to get them quite often.
Concerned with a friend.
Emotional attacks - used to get them quite often.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
274
Just back from a 7-day trip to Taiwan.
I am in the midst of recollecting my memories through pictures snapped. And also mustering/summoning my working jest as I start work coming Monday.
No, I have no working jitters at all.
It's just the traffic to work that scares me a little.
Been getting questions like "Are you still in school?" during the trip.
One which came from a school teacher, "Are you still in secondary school?"
That got the whole bus cracking. Me especially.
I am in the midst of recollecting my memories through pictures snapped. And also mustering/summoning my working jest as I start work coming Monday.
No, I have no working jitters at all.
It's just the traffic to work that scares me a little.
Been getting questions like "Are you still in school?" during the trip.
One which came from a school teacher, "Are you still in secondary school?"
That got the whole bus cracking. Me especially.
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