73

I think we all have to learn to make mistakes, before knowing the difference between right or wrong.

Ever since the time I could remember clearly, my dad have always told me that I am someone who would not be able to embrace failure lightly. I used to disregard that comment, but as I grew older, I begin to take his words seriously.

I begin to think, that I, might just be someone who's "kiasu". If you can see closely, my name could just be in between the words "kiasu" and "kiasi".

I have people telling me that I am someone who would take the less risks in life. I have been cushioned in the comfort zone, experiencing the most minimum impact of life, and friends who know me for 5 years, could see through that.

One of the questions asked by an interview to me recently, "How would you deal with an angry customer?", to which I replied, "Erm, I have not dealt with one before.". This question made me think for the longest 2 minutes in my life, because in my mind, I kept scanning for senarios that I have faced throughout my life, that I might have encountered an angry friend, or angry colleague, but nope, I have not faced such situations before.
At that time, I felt like the most unexperienced human on earth. How could I not have handled an angry senario before? Well, my mum doesn't count, though I have pissed her off countlessly.

Then I realized..I realized that I was such a loser, that I have prevented all these negative circumstances from happening at all. And my friend, this is not a good virtue. Being a cautious risk-taker is not advisable at all, because then, life would be pretty much stagnant.

So when I was given a choice for a career change, many would have predicted that I would remain in the current company because of its benefits, and the stability of the company in terms of income, projects, etc. It felt like I am just a transparent glass that people could see me through because of the decision they think I would make.

But no, I think it's about time I grow up and take another path. I'm leaving my comfort zone, because I think it's wrong to be stagnant at this young age.
It is not going to be easy though, considering I'm leaving a good company, a good boss, and a good bunch of colleagues whom I have made friends in a short period of time. Not forgetting the long working hours in the new company, and the urm..unpleasant employee benefits..I am taking a very heavy, big step this time around.

And now, the hardest thing is to say goodbye.

72

"Bersenang-senang dahulu, bersusah-susah kemudian"

I wonder how long would my determination last, until the fire in me would die.

It's so difficult to imagine myself joining the rat race..and yet, I'm forced to put into one.
I wanna cry...:(

71

I like how this picture was taken during See Mun's wedding dinner. It was my first vegetarian wedding dinner, and seriously, it is something you have gotta try for yourself.

There were 2 tables allocated for MGS, but the other one was to shared with other people. 4 of us: Yoke Yee, Crystal, Phooi Yee and I, took that table, and in the end, we were sitted with 7 other uncles, who were old enough to be our fathers. 2 times our life cycle, which means, about 45++.
However, there would be no barriers if there is alcohol!
In this particular function, red wine was served handsomely.

They kept encouraging us to drink, and drink, and drink. Kept refilling wines into our glasses. Kept asking us to "yum-seng". Oh my. Thank goodness, our alcohol tolerance is quite high..

After the wedding dinner, we decided to bring the party to Club 9. A new bar which I did not manage to visit, before leaving Ipoh. And after ages, it was my first time hitting the clubs, and for some weird reason, it felt like 'home'. Hehhe..
Out of courtesy, because we were discussing about this over the wedding dinner and the uncles probably heard us, we decided to just ask the uncles along to join us for clubbing. (You know, ajak ajak ayam..) but somehow, they took our invitation seriously, and we ended up in the club, with a group of middle-age men (old enough to be our dads!), and obviously, we got stares from the nearby patrons. It was as though each of us brought our dads along. One plus point was, our drinks were free! So much for being cheap eh?

Just like the wedding, they kept refilling our glasses, non-stop. And in the end, the uncles KO-ed first, and had to leave come 12am, while the young girls partied away.
The boys you see with us, are the children of one of the uncles who "partied" with us.
He purposely called them, asked them to come join us and in the end, they were the ones who partied with us.

I wonder how awkward it would be, if we were to bump into the uncles and their wives one day, sober. Must be really awkward, no?

70

"Best Decisions are made without Thinking"

Last night, I had to make an important decision. To some, it may be some "kecik-mayung" stuff, but to me, this would be the first step of a career.
Day in, day out, I worried that I could not land a job which was satisfying enough, pays enough and most importantly, manage to convince my parents that I like it.

and while with all that thinking process was done, I saw the saying above, on a girl's printed tee.
Erm, it wasn't done on purpose, but I guess, He, or someone beyond the power of men, have sent me a sign.

I believe so. Urmm, I chose to. It would make my life easier, for now.

69

When the bridegroom comes in the morning, to claim his bride, he is expected to go through various stages of "mental torture". He, of course, does not come without his side-kicks. For this particular wedding, the bridegroom (CK Tan) came with 4 of his side-kicks. In Chinese, they are known as "heng dais".


On the other hand, the bride is expected to be in her room, waiting for the groom. The girls appointed by her, would be the ones to plan for the challenges to be completed before leading the groom's team to the bride. The bride's side-kicks are known as "ji-mui's".

To create an intimidating aura, it was decided that the "ji-mui's" would have colour coordination of white and pink. Well, the information came too late for me, but luckily I was in the right mind to bring a white shirt home for the ocassion. Any other colour code would just mean that I would have to attend the ceremony, naked. The show-down.

Clearly, we were all very nervous/excited and even prepared earlier even before the groom announced that they have arrived. Because this took place in a hotel, we were all crammed up in a small room, and there were about 14 people. Imagine the limitation of space and oxygen content we have then! Briefings were done twice, so that important details were not missed.

While the "ji-muis" were waiting outside at the corridor (and let's not forget that the ventilation was bad, and because everytime there is a lift sound, all of us were anxious..), we were also busy taking pictures of our own. Well, you can't blame us because we seldom have such opportunities to meet in such big crowds.

The face-off between the heng dais and ji muis.
First thing to ask when we see the groom is for the angpow. Money comes above everything, including the wedding, hehe.
Groom had the guts to be cheeky, and asked us, whether we want the big angpow or the small one.
Hello, we were chosen as the jimuis for a reason, of course we would not be dumb to fall for that question! We chose both.

Then, the games begun. Being the considerate 'hosts', we asked them to do warm-ups before the real games begin. 20-push ups each. Well, nothing interesting there though. 20 push-ups meant nothing to men, but we were just being polite for a start.

Comes in the real thing next.

Their team was given 2 apples tied with a string, and to finish them without using their hands.

They were clearly not a smart bunch, because it took them a gazillion seconds later to figure out the right strategy. And that was after a hell lot of licking around the apple, and finally the jimuis took sympathy into them, and told them, that one has to provide support for the other to be able to bite into the apple.

Next, Custom-made sushis, (thanks to MeiLoo), done by the sifus. Inside these babies, there are 8 sushis which are wasabis coated with seaweed and ebikko, 4 sushis with the letters 'L','O','V','E' in them, and 4 sushis which are safe. The groom's team have to deveavour all of these to located the letters before they pass this stage. Well, nothing much, except when the real men begun to tear as they sink their teeth in an entire chunk of wasabi. It felt gross, but seeing the ebikko went to waste; that was heart-wrenching!

After that, we gave them a loaf of Gardenia, and the task of coming out with the phrase, "I less than 3 U MUN", with bread.
That was pretty challenging, considering that they would have to shape the bread into letter cuttings.
Boy, was I impressed with the results after that.

After so much eating, of course, there would be drinking.

4 kinds of drinks, with flavours of "bitterness", "sourish", "hot spicy" and "sweetness". All these have a depth meaning in Chinese, and they believe in going through "bitterhood", "soury" and "spicy", only would one taste "sweetness" in their life, and of course, marriage.

That was the last bit, because time was running out. The coordinator asked the groom to sing their love song, but we were disappointed when the groom told us that he couldn't sing. We pestered further when he uttered a line, "Nobody but chiu..baby....lalala.." something like that, which gave all of us goosebumps. In the end, we opened the door for them, but without before asking them for more angpow. The groom tricked us, saying that he only has one angpow left to which we took his word for that. Anyway.....

Here's to the bride and groom. SeeMun & CK Tan.

p/s: Running late for lunch, so will continue in the next entry. Hehhe!

68

Took the weekend off to attend a friend's wedding. Was appointed as the "ji-mui" this time, was anxious because I didn't want to wear a dress, but then found out that there were 10 ji-muis as well. I was told to wear a shirt, or anything which was comfortable.

Anyway, I didn't have the chance to plan anything because I was far away in KL, whereas most work were done by the rest who were in Ipoh. I was nervous, because it was my first time being a "ji-mui" and I didn't know what to expect or do, because the Chinese are a superstitious bunch, and every move you make on an auspicious day may bring something good/bad. And I do not want to be the one who get blammed if the marriage turns out bad.

Picture above. Odd combination, right?
We have sushi, bittergourd juice, lemon juice, sugar water, apple, banana, gardenia bread, and a bottle of water.
I leave this to your imagination. :)

67

I just saw this album posted and facebook, and with itchy hands, I decided to explore.
The title of the album was "2009-10-10 Prom Night Masquerade Night 09". Sounded familiar, heck! because I attended that before.

I scrolled through the albums to only find 1 picture of me. I guess you can't blame the person who uploaded this album right? You can't upload EVERYTHING but only bits and pieces of everyone instead. It sure has taken the organizers a very long time to upload this piece of album, because it's almost a year since the party has ended, and now, it's on facebook. Geezz..

Picture above: Ariff and I. One of the people whom I know earning in USD, every month. Working for the Blue Company they say. I am proud to say that we were once 'seat-mates' back in Marine Class. Thursday, and we would be sitted right beside one another. Checking out his iPhone and the apps.
Ok, enough. This isn't an entry on Ariff.

The point is, looking at this particular picture, actually reflected to me that so much has changed since. I've switched partners. I've graduated. I've joined the rat race (apparently I'm very far behind, worse, I'm stagnant!) and I've grown. Horizontally, and mentally.
When that picture was taken, I was still an individual which has confusion of personality. Didn't know how to fit in. Tries to, but with personality disorder.
But the person I am now, pretty much knows how to deal with her being different, and manage to pull them off, with a smile.

It hurts me, when her mum refers to me, as "that thing". When she told me that, it felt like I was some sort of disease that she had caught, and her mum still hopes that in due time, the daugther would recover and be well. I don't know about her thoughts, but it seems to me that the family is still hopeful that she would "recover". Well, whatever it is. I know, it must be hard for the mum to have to deal with this issue. Come to think of it, my mum has been dropping hints that she would tolerate no such abnormality in the house.

BUT I DON'T CARE.

It is not wrong. I'm just different.

p/s: If you are wondering what's with the multiple posts today, I'm stuck at work, with ZERO task.

66

I think I would suck writing food reviews.

First, I am not able to take gorgeous pictures of food.

Secondly, I have limited vocabulary of the right words to describe the food.

I'd imagine that most of the time, it would be, "Erm, it tastes fine..good..ok-lah..." but readers wouldn't want that, right? Most of the time, readers would want to read something solid.

Last but not least, most of the time, I am not even bothered to waste any second capturing pictures of food, because I am always looking for good food that I wouldn't be able to wait any longer to taste them.

From the pictures above, clearly I had a luxurious CRAB dinner. Had dinner at Station 88, Sunway Mas. It was my 2nd visit then, and for obvious reasons (price, ambience, taste), we went back. I had to admit that my pay isn't enough because of my expensive indulgences.

*toot*

65

Like a 3-year old girl, I didn't know which was more tempting:
a) the Barbie doll with all kinds of accessories

or

b) the diet pill.

64

Recently, I was bogged with the thoughts of fitting in, into an organization.
Before I begin, let me first clarify, that the place I'm working at, is a very good organization. In fact, if I were to stay any longer, I think the more I would be able to learn, and build a very strong foundation in my career path. As an engineer.

Well, the thing is, recently I found out that there are better ways of building a career, and that is not to work as an Engineer. Well, it only applies if you are very sure that you have limited capability of technical skills. One thing that repulses me from my current job is the market price of an engineer, fresh from the oven. We are paid even lower than any other jobs, such as the banking industry, and also customer service. How is that possible, when we graduated with professional certificates, doing a 4-year bachelor degree, with technical knowledges, and yet, we are paid the same as banking officers? Again, I would like to clarify that I'm not looking down at anyone's profession, especially banking officers, but I happen to know that anyone with any degree would be able to take up that particular position. So, how is that fair, for someone who spend 4 years doing a technical degree and then, end up being paid so low?

Secondly, I have very vague image seeing myself labelled as an Engineer in, erm, the coming 5 years. Very difficult. I have tried psyching myself that this job is going to be easy-peasy since I've struggled and survived for the past 4 years. BUT, I realized that for the past 4 years, I managed to come out perfectly fine, because my non-technical papers managed to counter-balance the low grades I obtained for my technical papers. Thus, I graduated.
Unfortunately, in my career line now, there's no counter balance of non-technical tasks so it's very difficult to maintain myself in the game. Most of the time, I come to work, couldn't help but to feel like I was a redundant brat. In times of retrenchment, I would probably be the first to get the box/letter!

So, for weeks, I refused to feel like a redundant. I tried hard. Tried not to look like a retard at work. But they do say, fresh grads are meant to look like retards at work, but this is the 3rd month already, and I won't be able to afford to STILL look like a retard, not especially when there will be new engineers coming in.
I looked for alternatives. High and low. Something non-engineering related, with higher pay, routine job.

And then, people start coming to me, and say it would be a waste for me to disregard my engineering certificate and do something which anyone else would be able to do. No matter how attractive the pay would be, it would be a waste in a long term. But without money, how am I supposed to manage my living expenses, in KL? And how would I know if I wouldn't like something non-engineering related if I don't try?
But what if I did? What if I tried and found myself that I don't like what I do, would I still be able to come back to engineering? Will it be too late then?

63

I have a nice blog header, interesting write-ups, and yet, not much traffic.

Why ah??????

62

So much has changed.
When I looked back, I remembered the first time how our eyes met.
And today, I saw your eyes, from the picture. It had the same sparkle, but this time, it wasn't because of me.
The way you talked, isn't the same. Maybe as we grow older, we grew apart, and eventually, we became 2 strangers. I wonder, if we ever bump into each other on the streets, would we still recognize one another then?

Scary. Relationships can be so.
First, you become as intimate as ever, and then, when it all ends, you become 2 distant strangers. Or even worst.

No, I don't miss you. This is not an entry for you.

This is for me and her. To us, we should never become 2 distant strangers.
We should grow old, grow fat, and stay together.

61

3 months.
and I'm still hanging around.
and still finding myself.
Instead, I found someone who would pull me back on the right track everytime I stray.

60

I can't believe that I actually cried when he walked towards the boarding gate.
The rest of the night, I felt solemn.
Never knew that I love him until he left.
I wonder if he felt the same when I left for UTP.

59

I am sure all of us have experienced the awkward moment in a lift before.

A couple of strangers, stuck in a confined space, waiting for the lift to reach the level that each individual wants. Sometimes, you don't know, which spot to focus so we all pretend to concentrate on a particular spot, like as if it was an interesting spot. If you are riding on the lift with a friend, you try to avoid having conversations with him/her, in fear other strangers might think you sound stupid.

So, most of us are generally quiet in lifts. We do not know what to do, what to say, so we just hung our heads low, before the lift door opens to the level that we want.

58

Running away. Not coming back.

57

I try to make it a point to indulge in a cup of Starbucks, at least once every month.
Well, we're both Starbucks' addict.
Now, I do not have to explain to someone about my addiction of Starbucks.
I remember, people always ask me why.
Like morphine, they won't be able to tell you the reason why.
It's just is, that way.

Well, it has been almost like a routine now.
Whenever she feels low, I'd immediately suggest Starbucks after dinner.
Hahha, it feels like this is my 'secret weapon', haha.
Like true addicts, we always order the same drink.
Hers: Caramel Macchiato
Mine: Caramel Frapp + Java Chips

We are weird that way.
But we are definitely one loving, weird couple!
In fact, when she wanted to try the new Starbucks drink: Creme Brule Macchiato, I insisted to try the Creme Brule Frapp as well.
But that was one off for me.

The next visit would be, Caramel Frapp + Java Chips.

56

I tried searching for this curry noodle shop online, hoping that someone might write about this on their blogs, but nil results came back to me. Well, I guess you just need a local to bring you to a local place for more authentic food.
This shop has been there for almost erm, 20 year. The first time I ate there, was probably when I was 7? Parents ordered noodle soup for me, and because curry was their specialty, dad ordered 'curry oil' for me to add into the soup instead. That way, I can add some spicyness into my bland noodle soup. Until now, I practise the same way of eating my "curry-noodle-soup", only at this place. The boss probably recognized me, because I think I am the only one who eats that way.

During Raya holidays, mum and I went to this shop, and I ordered the same thing again, almost as if it was a ritual. First the noodle soup would come, and then I would ask for the "curry oil" and then I would just add the curry oil into the soup. :) Some things would never change, even when now I'm all grown up, and can talk down any level of spicyness! Hahha...

55

I think those who know me, would probably know that I'm no pet lover. I think it's all due to my parents who never try to nurture my pet-loving cells since young. Mum thinks pet dogs can be very troublesome, especially when our residence isn't that big, and we don't have large compounds. I would think that she didn't like the idea of pets because she's simply terrified herself. Hehe.

We've been having talks lately. We, as in the missus and I, not my mum. 1 weekend with our friends, Yenny and Viv, she was instantly hooked with the idea of getting a pet dog..to be exact, a toy poodle...or..erm, a yorkshire terrier. You know how unpredictable girls can get right?

It has been bugging me, since it was so difficult to even bring myself to pat the dogs' heads, and now, my gf has thoughts of getting a pet ourselves. Major commitment, I'd say! Not only financially, but mentally as well. It's so difficult to have a pet, and to overcome the pet-fear.

Well, but that would have to wait until we have our place. Currently the place we stay, does not allow pets in the vicinity. Hahha, great for me to buy time!

She wants a white one..

I, on the hand, like the brown one instead.

Whoa, imagine this: 2 girls and a pet dog. She wants to name it Tutti Frutti..I think Bacon would be rather dandy.

54

We have came a long way, before having to decide whether to expand our horizons even more by studying more in-depth, or to come out to the cold,harsh working society and to earn bread crumbs.
Last Thursday, we arranged a meet-up to see Kenneth off to UK for Masters. Besides that, it was a solid excuse to meet up with the people that I do not usually get to meet, especially after deciding to build my base in KL. To tell the truth, all of us are actually working at this part of the country, but due to the long (ridiculous!) working hours, by the time we were let off from work, we were probably too tired to even drive to the destination and meet. So, meet-ups of such are important to "rekindle" the friendship that has been slowly devoured by our working careers.

Indeed, we have came a long way now. Our conversation didn't evolve around Ipoh, lepak, lecturers, etc. anymore. In fact, we were sucked up in conversations such as properties, investments, career advancements, etc. All big-boys talk..okay, I'm not being sexist here, so I should say, "big people's talks". But what didn't change much was the way we talk, our way of communication, was pretty much the same. We talked exactly the same way we did when we were back in UTP and that, brought a sense of reminiscine to me.

53

I think I'm distracted easily.

I am currently back at home for Raya's. And also to spend more time with the family, especially the brother; since he's flying off to India soon. Yeah, he managed to secure a place in this university, doing what he wants from Day 1 he was born, and he's flying off soon. Well, this brother of mine, sometimes I hope he leaves as soon as possible, but sometimes, I think I'm going to miss him. We have this sibling conflict, you wouldn't want to know.

He can be a menace but also, a sweet brother. Haih.

Anyway, back to the part that I get distracted easily..I can't seem to be able to concentrate on one thing, for a period of time. This is bad. For instance, this book 'Eat Pray Love' that I'm currently trying to finish within 3 days, it's the 2nd day now, I am only done up to Page 13. Erm..

52

I was called into the Head of Department's office early this morning, and was given a pep talk for almost an hour. He asked me whether I like my current job, and what not. I didn't know how to answer. I have a decision to make, and coincidently, he called me into his office and gave me some light. He made me felt that I made a right choice deciding to work as an Engineer, and I should carry on. But I wonder how long this inspiration, this "semangat" will go on? I have to admit that there were some moments that made me break down and just want to quit. Being in this industry, made me felt intimidated and doubtful about my own capability. Some of my senior colleagues told me that it was normal that Fresh Graduates have such perception and told me that it would only be a phase. I would have to be patient because knowledge and experience did not come overnight. But I can't help but feel pressured when the boss assigned me a new task today. I have never done it before, well, not at least without the presence of the senior colleague. I have not even master the software programme yet, and now, I have to come up with the whole thing on my own. Too bad my senior colleague is having her 2-weeks long Raya break. Oh man! I'm left 'stark-naked' on my own here. I feel stupid and inferior all over.

If one day, I have decided to leave this place, it would be because I am bold enough to step out from the norm. My superior is nice enough to teach me what was not taught in classrooms, and also exposed me to opportunities for training, and with that said, I have no idea how I would end up, a year from now. That thought, scares the shit out of me!

51

I was browsing through facebook pictures and I realized how much that we've grown up, even since this picture was taken. Back then, all of us were still schooling and today, most of us are already building a career. Well, everyone except for me, that is. The girl in blue (Jacqueline) is already engaged! Whoa, that's one step ahead of so many of us, Jacq!

So much has changed since, but one thing's for sure, I can't fit into that shirt I was wearing then, anymore!!!

50

I think I can apply this one on myself.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I hope no one from work stumbles upon this blog of mine. It's 45 minutes before we are actually off work, and I've completed my task of the day, and I can't wait to leave my seat, off the computer and just go home and cuddle her in my arms.
By the way, we've been eating in throughout this week because of financial constraints. And she just texted me saying that she'd be making steaks for dinner tonight. Yippeeeee! I can't wait.
and also minestrone soup, which both of us love soo sooo soooo much!
And all I can do now, is just do a little count-down before I can take off at 5.30pm, sharp.

p/s: I will be heading home this coming Raya holiday, which means 3 full days of solid, homecooked food. Anyone who's in Ipoh, do call me!

49

I absolutely adore spending time reading Cyanide&Happiness, especially when I have no task in hand at work. The comic is witty and rest assured, not EVERYONE would be able to get the jokes. I really do not get it, how can you not understand their jokes?

Anyway, here's one for today.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I find today's strip rather symbollic to my current situation. It carries a metaphor to me.

I have been "on fire" for the past 4 years of my tertiary education and now, I am still "on fire" because I still don't know what I'm good at. It's like when everytime people ask me "So what do you want?" and all I can say is "I have no idea.".

Oh my, I have to live with that for the rest of my life!

48

Last Friday, I was on sick leave. Well, I felt bad for having to ditch my colleagues last minute, especially when the tender dateline was due on the 6th. But I was feeling really awful, with the stomach cramp the night before, I barely had enough of sleep to last me for 10 hours at work. So after much contemplating, I decided that it was best that I go on leave since my part of the job was completed.

I slept in until 9am, when I woke up, feeling all better then. So, we went for breakfast at The Departure Lounge after reading about it online.
Since the gf has returned from NZ, she has been missing the cozy cafes available down south, and she couldn't find anything similar here. So I always read about cafes in PJ/KL and bring her around, in hope that she might feel "at home". The Departure Lounge gave her the same warm feeling, the exact feeling she had in cafes in NZ.

For someone who doesn't wake up that early, the only thing I could lure her off the bed was that I told her bacon was served. :P

As soon as I walked in, I didn't bother looking at the Breakfast Specials, but instead, I went straight to the DIMW - 'Do It My Way'. There would be more than 10 items which you can tick and order for breakfast, ranging from sausages, bacons, hams, eggs, button mushrooms...etc.

Me, being the glutton, decided to go for 7 items, whereas the missus, decided to settle for 3. You can choose from 3 items, 7 items or 9! I wanted to go for 9, if I wasn't stopped.

You could probably guess which plate's mine. It has been ages since I had decent pancakes for breakfast, and the ones served in buffet lines are simply yucky. This bear-alike shaped pancake tastes almost amazing. :)

For the price paid, I would say it's definitely worth the money. However, location-wise, it could get a little frustrating because you might have to do a lot of rounds before actually finding a parking spot, but MOST OF THE TIME, DO NOT EXPECT ANY PARKING SPACES, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ON A WEEKDAY! I had to park on a divider line, which resulted in me having to rush while eating because I didn't want to get a parking ticket. Well, lady luck was on my side, because as soon as we left the cafe to the car, the officers were 4-5 cars away from mine.

After brunch, we decided to make full-use of my available time to drop by Ikano, for the Crocs Warehouse Sale. I was excited because this was obviously my first time going to a Warehouse Sale, but you know, guilt feeling was overwhelming because the department was probably struggling with last-minute touch-ups. But then, this is Crocs WareHouse Sales we are talking about! Prices could be slashed up to 70%! So, we went, and I was disappointed with the choices available. I did, however bought a pair of Crocs-the usual kind-the big-head one-brown colour. Mum was not happy when she saw it because she thinks I look ugly in it, but I don't care! It cost me RM80 and no way I'm going to throw it away!

We left Ikano straightafter and went to the doctor's. MCB-alot of people were waiting in line, to see the doctor! I was frustrated then because the pain was coming back. In the midst of waiting, the manager send me a text to come back if I'm feeling better. So what to do? I already had a wonderful brunch, bought a pair of Crocs..all that was left to do (to overcome my guilt) is to head back to work.

47

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
_______________________________________________________

Sometimes, I wish that we could have our own child.
She would make a great mum, and I would be a great playmate. :P

46

Sawah Padi in a mall.
This time, I was bold enough to be in it.

Picture quality near to nil. Sorry, taken with my humble HTC Wildfire.

45

Sometimes people ask me whether I'm happy doing what I'm doing, living the life I'm living, etc.
and most of the time, I smile, because there would be no words powerful enough to tell them about my story. And because the vocabulary I have isn't enough to come out with the harshiest, terrible words to describe about my life, so most of the time, I just smile.

No, this has nothing to do with my love life.
This has nothing to do with being ungrateful to my parents. This has nothing to do with being blessed with a scholarship doing a professional degree and despite not having any interest in it, I came out perfectly fine. And definitely, this has nothing to do with me being offered a job, even before I graduate.
No, these should be happy things.
And yes, I should learn to be more positive.

Well, despite all the jokes I made, I would not deny that I was only trying to hide my biggest fear.
Fear of what? I don't know.
So when people kept telling me that they suspect they have depression, I smile. Do they know what depression really is?

I have been going through "depression" for as long as I could remember, and just like everyone, I am waiting for 'it' to snap.

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It's like I'm detached from the rest of the world.