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I wonder if it is the holiday mood, or it's just because I have lost the reason for me to work?
It must be the holiday mood right, because I was all hyped about work before this, and recently, I find that it's such a torture to think about going to work, and shudder at the thought of the next meeting IN LUMUT. The idea of having to drive another 300kms, to and fro, to the place, is simply urgh.!
Anyway, the next meeting falls on this coming Monday, and it is 2pm. This is really stressing me out because it's Valentines Day, and this is the first year the missus and I are celebrating it together (nevermind what the public say about hiked up prices and over-rated celebration) and I really just want to use the Monday properly, and suddenly, this people want to have meeting at 2pm somemore. I feel like want to kick their ass because who the hell organizes meeting at 2pm??! And I feel that this is really an obstacle because now it points down to 1. Work and 2. Relationship and I feel like I'm being asked to choose which is more important. I don't really want to drive all the way for that meeting, because I would be going down again on Wednesday for another operation. And because all these requires me to sacrifice my "personal" car and I don't want to go on ranting about my company, so yeah, straight to the point that I do not want to drive to the same place, twice in a week, and somemore back to back.
So, when I asked my colleague if I can follow his car, and whether it's necessary for me to join this meeting (since I have no obligations or whatsoever and because I'm always tagging along to meetings for experience sake) and I get replies like "If you can't make it, then just stay in the office" and I feel like "Wth, I'm here trying to figure things out and this is what I get in the end". Anyway, it's not really his fault, and totally not his responsibility to take care of my welfare, and me being all concerned about making time for the missus is totally unreasonable since I have to put my work first.

Suddenly I feel that it's better if someone could just slap me on the face really hard.

So I figured out a plan, to just drive back to Ipoh tomorrow (and spend some quality time with mum), and head to Lumut instead on Monday and then rush back to PJ after the meeting. And also JiangMelFoo are organizing Chap Goh Mei get-together after that (or in better words: SAD Night-Out), so hopefully I'll be able to make it for that one too. Sounds like a really good plan right?

Except my initial plan was to not drive to the same place twice in a week. There goes my maintenance. I feel like I'm fucked up, and I wish I can just throw in my towel and quit. I feel like I don't know who to talk to, because people don't seem to understand why it's taking me so hard to decide what I want.

BECAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT -lah!!

And everytime my heart secretly screams that, I feel like I'm a total loser because I don't know what I want. And even if I do, oh wait..I just don't know what I want.

Fuck lah. Who the hell invented work, can just go to hell.