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I forgot the last time I become so dependable, on something, or someone.

I used to be so driven by the sounds of cheers and even jeers beside me. I constantly need to be surrounded by people, because that's what I feed on. Not the sweat, success or even money, I feed on the appearance of people in my life.

Spent the last 16 hours away from food and water. Body was too weak to comprehand the feeling of hunger and thirst. Heard the timely growling from the little stomach,but I couldn't bring myself to step out from the room. All I wanted to do was just sit and wail on self pity.

When did I get myself into this piece of shit? This whole cycle, repeats its damn whole self again. All of a sudden, I long for a very heavy work load and schedule, just to stop thinking for once. Decisions are hard to be made, and really, don't want to go through hell again.

It's really depressing. For me. And I hate to be in this hell hole.