The only reason I find myself typing away here, is when:
1. I'm stuck at work, with minimal amount of work to do.
2. I'm stuck in the hotel, not willing to go under the hot sun.
3. .......
Yeah, basically that's about it.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
166
Worked for 15 hours straight.
Kena diao by client in front of everyone, just because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I learn one lesson this time, is that I should stay away from nasty clients.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Kena diao by client in front of everyone, just because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I learn one lesson this time, is that I should stay away from nasty clients.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
164
I decided to write about this, not to rant, bitch, complain, etc..,but I would like to read about this, sometime in the future.
Every time I meet up with my friends, acquaintances, family etc..there's bound to be 1 similar question I get from them: "So what do you work as?"
I find that very much difficult to answer, because how should I categorize my job? Yes, it's stated in my offer letter that I am appointed as a Project Engineer, but in actual fact, my job scope comprises of workload far much more than that. And so, to avoid any confusion, I told them that I'm working for a Logistics company, as a Project Engineer, and then when I do mention the name of my company, 99% of them would go like, "Air, what?" or "Huh? I've never heard about it before." or some even worst, they show you this disgruntled face, like I'm working in some 'dirty' industry or something.
So I had to take the hassle, of having to explain to them, that my company has the transportation to carry heavy loads to the barges and I have to travel to Lumut, almost every week for meeting/operations. And then, come the next important question, which went like "Is there pay good?"
Whoa, that's like a very sensitive question because I don't know how to answer in a very impressive manner. So, most of the time, I would say, "It's enough for now." And what was heart-wrenching was, they would go "Eh, sure good pay one la. Travel here and there. Somemore sure stay hotel..nice one lah..must be good!"
I beg to differ.
So, here, is why I want to give a little insight on what's it like to be me.
When I'm outstation in Lumut for work, I'm put up in this not-too-shabby looking hotel in Sitiawan, which is enough to provide me shelter for as long as I'm here, but definitely not the resorts you see on advertisement boards about Tourism in Lumut/Sitiawan/Pangkor. When I was first placed here, I felt like they didn't treat me the way that I should be treated. I am after all, a Project Engineer, shouldn't I be placed in some place of higher class and not in the same accommodation as my subordinates? My managers and seniors are placed in the other hotel, which is priced slightly higher than the one I am in, and why don't I deserve the same?
Obviously, these mindsets are due to the "brought-up" and "exposure" I have from UTP, that as O&G engineers, we are expected to be treated equally well and paid handsomely.
Boy, it took me a couple of weeks to realize that we were no better than other graduates and if you are a fresh graduate, you have no experience, and thus, you are as important as the cleaner mak cik to the company. Which means, if you don't want to work with them, then they can always hire another graduate from elsewhere.
Then, comes the 2nd part.
Whenever I go to the site/yard for operation,I am expected to don on my coveralls, safety equipments and walk under the hot sun/rain. Even though I'm being hired as a Project Engineer, and most Engineer I know works mainly in the offices, I have to be on site, all the time, if required. Engineers are expected to work hand in hand with the operators, dealing with the heavy equipments if there's lack of man power, but luckily, I am a female, thus the operators do not expect me to help operating the equipments. So, whenever I'm on site, my job is to walk about under the sun, observing the entire operation; basically be there whenever the operators are working as moral support.
So if you ask me, is my pay equivalent to the amount of work and time I contribute, it's up to you to define for me. I have to work in the office, doing engineering calculations and technical drawings, yet at the same time, be in the field during operations, with the subordinates.
You tell me.
Next, lunch/dinner is prepared by the supervisor during operation. What is usually in the polystyrene box could be Nasi Ayam, Nasi Paprik etc and also packets of sweet teh/sirap ais in big plastic bags, are transported to the site for us and subordinates. Usually, when we get our food from the boxes/plastic bags, you can see flies hovering on top of them, and definitely, not the kind of environment that many could endure.
If you've been to the site/yard, I can tell you, there are no proper tables/stools for you to eat on. The next best thing you probably can get, is the steel benches prepared for workers to take cig breaks, and so, most of the time, workers sit there, with flies hovering on our food, and trying to balance between our rice box and the packet drink with one hand, while scooping food into our mouths with the other.
And that's if you are lucky enough to get the lunch/dinner packed in boxes, I have been given lunch in newspaper-wrapped before.
And also, in the yard/site, you see stray dogs, coming near you, whenever you have food in your hands. So, technically, you have lunch/dinner with a group of sweaty dirty-looking workers, cheap taste Nasi Ayam (probably due to the bulk purchase!), sweetened fake-coloured ice tea, stray dogs, fleas and flies. And to sum all of them up, under the hot sun/heavy rain/drizzle.
Each time I have my meals on site, I would always have the same question in my mind: "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?"
When I was young, my parents told me to study hard, so that in the future, I would be able to lead a comfortable life (drive big cars, live big homes, respectable career) but look now, this is not how it seems. Every time I put a facebook status complaint on my wall, my mum would tell me to stop whining and this is because I chose the job on my own basis. I have never told my parents about what I do in my work, because I don't know what's more devastating.
To see my parents' crushed looks that their daughter is mingling with a bunch of blue-collar workers, or that I would be able to see a reflection of a useless fuck in their eyes.
Sometimes, I feel like whenever I am in KL, would I feel like it's solitude before going to the harsh working environment. Blame it on my ego, that I feel the need to camouflage my job description, but sometimes, I just want people to know, that I am like any other being, that I have the need to vent my frustrations. I know how bad it is to live in a loop of lies, but this is the only thing able to keep me sane.
I wonder if Befrienders line is for real.
Every time I meet up with my friends, acquaintances, family etc..there's bound to be 1 similar question I get from them: "So what do you work as?"
I find that very much difficult to answer, because how should I categorize my job? Yes, it's stated in my offer letter that I am appointed as a Project Engineer, but in actual fact, my job scope comprises of workload far much more than that. And so, to avoid any confusion, I told them that I'm working for a Logistics company, as a Project Engineer, and then when I do mention the name of my company, 99% of them would go like, "Air, what?" or "Huh? I've never heard about it before." or some even worst, they show you this disgruntled face, like I'm working in some 'dirty' industry or something.
So I had to take the hassle, of having to explain to them, that my company has the transportation to carry heavy loads to the barges and I have to travel to Lumut, almost every week for meeting/operations. And then, come the next important question, which went like "Is there pay good?"
Whoa, that's like a very sensitive question because I don't know how to answer in a very impressive manner. So, most of the time, I would say, "It's enough for now." And what was heart-wrenching was, they would go "Eh, sure good pay one la. Travel here and there. Somemore sure stay hotel..nice one lah..must be good!"
I beg to differ.
So, here, is why I want to give a little insight on what's it like to be me.
When I'm outstation in Lumut for work, I'm put up in this not-too-shabby looking hotel in Sitiawan, which is enough to provide me shelter for as long as I'm here, but definitely not the resorts you see on advertisement boards about Tourism in Lumut/Sitiawan/Pangkor. When I was first placed here, I felt like they didn't treat me the way that I should be treated. I am after all, a Project Engineer, shouldn't I be placed in some place of higher class and not in the same accommodation as my subordinates? My managers and seniors are placed in the other hotel, which is priced slightly higher than the one I am in, and why don't I deserve the same?
Obviously, these mindsets are due to the "brought-up" and "exposure" I have from UTP, that as O&G engineers, we are expected to be treated equally well and paid handsomely.
Boy, it took me a couple of weeks to realize that we were no better than other graduates and if you are a fresh graduate, you have no experience, and thus, you are as important as the cleaner mak cik to the company. Which means, if you don't want to work with them, then they can always hire another graduate from elsewhere.
Then, comes the 2nd part.
Whenever I go to the site/yard for operation,I am expected to don on my coveralls, safety equipments and walk under the hot sun/rain. Even though I'm being hired as a Project Engineer, and most Engineer I know works mainly in the offices, I have to be on site, all the time, if required. Engineers are expected to work hand in hand with the operators, dealing with the heavy equipments if there's lack of man power, but luckily, I am a female, thus the operators do not expect me to help operating the equipments. So, whenever I'm on site, my job is to walk about under the sun, observing the entire operation; basically be there whenever the operators are working as moral support.
So if you ask me, is my pay equivalent to the amount of work and time I contribute, it's up to you to define for me. I have to work in the office, doing engineering calculations and technical drawings, yet at the same time, be in the field during operations, with the subordinates.
You tell me.
Next, lunch/dinner is prepared by the supervisor during operation. What is usually in the polystyrene box could be Nasi Ayam, Nasi Paprik etc and also packets of sweet teh/sirap ais in big plastic bags, are transported to the site for us and subordinates. Usually, when we get our food from the boxes/plastic bags, you can see flies hovering on top of them, and definitely, not the kind of environment that many could endure.
If you've been to the site/yard, I can tell you, there are no proper tables/stools for you to eat on. The next best thing you probably can get, is the steel benches prepared for workers to take cig breaks, and so, most of the time, workers sit there, with flies hovering on our food, and trying to balance between our rice box and the packet drink with one hand, while scooping food into our mouths with the other.
And that's if you are lucky enough to get the lunch/dinner packed in boxes, I have been given lunch in newspaper-wrapped before.
And also, in the yard/site, you see stray dogs, coming near you, whenever you have food in your hands. So, technically, you have lunch/dinner with a group of sweaty dirty-looking workers, cheap taste Nasi Ayam (probably due to the bulk purchase!), sweetened fake-coloured ice tea, stray dogs, fleas and flies. And to sum all of them up, under the hot sun/heavy rain/drizzle.
Each time I have my meals on site, I would always have the same question in my mind: "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?"
When I was young, my parents told me to study hard, so that in the future, I would be able to lead a comfortable life (drive big cars, live big homes, respectable career) but look now, this is not how it seems. Every time I put a facebook status complaint on my wall, my mum would tell me to stop whining and this is because I chose the job on my own basis. I have never told my parents about what I do in my work, because I don't know what's more devastating.
To see my parents' crushed looks that their daughter is mingling with a bunch of blue-collar workers, or that I would be able to see a reflection of a useless fuck in their eyes.
Sometimes, I feel like whenever I am in KL, would I feel like it's solitude before going to the harsh working environment. Blame it on my ego, that I feel the need to camouflage my job description, but sometimes, I just want people to know, that I am like any other being, that I have the need to vent my frustrations. I know how bad it is to live in a loop of lies, but this is the only thing able to keep me sane.
I wonder if Befrienders line is for real.
163
Maybe it was all a fucking mistake.., misunderstanding..fuck..whatever it was!..It was all damn fucking fucked!
162
Doesn't know if what was said is overboard or not, but I think I trust my gut feelings.
I have lose my trust in you. I dont fucking care anymore.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I have lose my trust in you. I dont fucking care anymore.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, March 19, 2011
161
It took me one fine day, to decide on sending an email to a couple of people, about how the world (might be) coming to an end in 2012, with the natural disasters that are happening so frequently, and how we should meet up if time permits. And there, I got all of them in "tears" with that email, written oh-so-beautifully. Or maybe I just made the last part up..but..
I have a few things to be proud of myself, for:
1. I decided to send an email (which felt slightly more personal) than sending a facebook invitation, because I feel like people seldom take facebook invitation seriously. Like they RSVP to attend, but then suddenly decided to just not attend.
2. Ever since we've left UTP for good, it was really a pain in the arse to gather everyone together. I am not kidding. For example, we have people working in the same area, but not even once out for a tea break. The busy schedule, impromptu work duties (like myself) and the distance apart made that all impossible to happen, but yes, it was really triumphant when I knew that 13 people are going to turn up.
3. Getting a place for dinner, at such a short notice. Although Delicious was tad twee disappointing in terms of food wise, but then, the ambiance was good enough for catching up.
I am glad that everything worked out fine. And a lot of them actually requested us to do this every month. Well, let's not get carried away too fast..one step at a time!
p/s: My only regret is I've probably missed out a couple of people in the email loop, and I wonder if they would take this into offence...diu..I'm sorry..just too many to handle..
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
159
Now that Japan faces threat of radiation due to the aftermath of Tsunami and earthquakes, sushi-s and sashimi-s are no longer allowed as comfort food. Well, not at least for half a year now. I know how I ought to be thankful and grateful that such natural disaster doesn't happen here, in Malaysia, but WHAT?! No Japanese for half a year, you must be kidding me, right?!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
158
We just acquired a new hobby.
Yes, we are going back old-school. The last time I played with jigsaw puzzles were probably when there were no such things as iPhones or HTC's..or that sorta digital thing. Like any other couples who grow old together, it's about time we engage into something new, together. We walked passed a Puzzle Shop one night, and decided to venture into something worthwhile and indeed, this puzzle cost me a fortune.
For such an expensive "activity", it took us an hour to even find the correct pieces to form the border.
I like how it is, to play with the puzzle. Like we keep finding the right pieces, and I found you. ;)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
157
Did not have a good night sleep last night.
What was supposed to be a good weekend, broke out to be a nasty fight. I don't remember hurling such hurtful words to anyone for the past 13 months. My roller coaster emotions are back, and for very obvious reasons, it changed me to another person.
Sometimes I try to control the things I say, due to the spur of the moment. But most of the time, I was too blinded with anger, that words come out almost instantly.
We made up, eventually, as the dawn was breaking in. I am glad that she understands but I will love to try controlling my anger and words.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately. Like I have lose touch with myself. Is it because they have put pressure on me, at work? Or is it because I feel like I have not enough time for myself?
I brought work home. For the weekend.
Most of the time, I try avoiding doing so. But the dateline is near. It's not so much about work, but it's about losing time for myself that is killing me slowly.
My 24th birthday has been a lonely one. The missus celebrated it with me, and don't get me wrong, I did enjoy myself. In fact, it felt too short, that one day just passed by, like that. However, I can't help but feel like I wished I was back in UTP. I still remember how my 23rd birthday was like. In a crowd. I guess I miss the presence of groups of people. I don't get much of that now, though. I blame it on my unbalanced working hours.
Or maybe I have slowly became a hermit, as time passes by.
What was supposed to be a good weekend, broke out to be a nasty fight. I don't remember hurling such hurtful words to anyone for the past 13 months. My roller coaster emotions are back, and for very obvious reasons, it changed me to another person.
Sometimes I try to control the things I say, due to the spur of the moment. But most of the time, I was too blinded with anger, that words come out almost instantly.
We made up, eventually, as the dawn was breaking in. I am glad that she understands but I will love to try controlling my anger and words.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately. Like I have lose touch with myself. Is it because they have put pressure on me, at work? Or is it because I feel like I have not enough time for myself?
I brought work home. For the weekend.
Most of the time, I try avoiding doing so. But the dateline is near. It's not so much about work, but it's about losing time for myself that is killing me slowly.
My 24th birthday has been a lonely one. The missus celebrated it with me, and don't get me wrong, I did enjoy myself. In fact, it felt too short, that one day just passed by, like that. However, I can't help but feel like I wished I was back in UTP. I still remember how my 23rd birthday was like. In a crowd. I guess I miss the presence of groups of people. I don't get much of that now, though. I blame it on my unbalanced working hours.
Or maybe I have slowly became a hermit, as time passes by.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
156
I would really love to write about what had meant to be my 24th birthday, but seeing the video clips on Japan's earthquake and tsunami has somehow caused me this slight of remorse and gloom inside. I feel like I shouldn't be writing about happy things, and take a day or two to be solemn and pray for the Japanese.
Even though I'm a free-thinker, but I guess at times like this, prayers would do. I just hope that they would be able to recover from this as soon as possible. And I'm really glad that dad has come back to the West Malaysia from Brunei, and we get to spend time together. Unfortunately bro is in India, and hope none of this natural disaster would occur at where he is.
My uncle who is in Hawaii, had a tsunami alert, but he told us that he's living on the mountain side, so it would be fine. However, things would be a little chaotic for the time being.
Is the prophecy 2012 going to be true?
Somehow, I am a true believer of it.
Even though I'm a free-thinker, but I guess at times like this, prayers would do. I just hope that they would be able to recover from this as soon as possible. And I'm really glad that dad has come back to the West Malaysia from Brunei, and we get to spend time together. Unfortunately bro is in India, and hope none of this natural disaster would occur at where he is.
My uncle who is in Hawaii, had a tsunami alert, but he told us that he's living on the mountain side, so it would be fine. However, things would be a little chaotic for the time being.
Is the prophecy 2012 going to be true?
Somehow, I am a true believer of it.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
154
Okay, so the usual business is to head down to Lumut for work. Well, this time it's different. There will be a couple of days worth of training, and also 2 operations during that period. Alright, very good. I thought perhaps I could take a 2-day break this month, which coincidentally falls on my birthday.
Fuck. Suddenly, news came, and tell me that the operation might be on the 10th. Fuck you lah.
It was supposed to be loaded out on the 5th, and that's 5 days worth of delay, you know.
Fuck!!! I don't want to spend my birthday in some dirty yard, doing work.
I feel very depressed.
The missus had already took 2 days off to spend it with me, and now, it seems she might have to cancel the leaves. She seems upset about it, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. We can't celebrate it beforehand because I'm leaving TODAY!
Fuck this shit!!!
Fuck. Suddenly, news came, and tell me that the operation might be on the 10th. Fuck you lah.
It was supposed to be loaded out on the 5th, and that's 5 days worth of delay, you know.
Fuck!!! I don't want to spend my birthday in some dirty yard, doing work.
I feel very depressed.
The missus had already took 2 days off to spend it with me, and now, it seems she might have to cancel the leaves. She seems upset about it, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. We can't celebrate it beforehand because I'm leaving TODAY!
Fuck this shit!!!
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