52

I was called into the Head of Department's office early this morning, and was given a pep talk for almost an hour. He asked me whether I like my current job, and what not. I didn't know how to answer. I have a decision to make, and coincidently, he called me into his office and gave me some light. He made me felt that I made a right choice deciding to work as an Engineer, and I should carry on. But I wonder how long this inspiration, this "semangat" will go on? I have to admit that there were some moments that made me break down and just want to quit. Being in this industry, made me felt intimidated and doubtful about my own capability. Some of my senior colleagues told me that it was normal that Fresh Graduates have such perception and told me that it would only be a phase. I would have to be patient because knowledge and experience did not come overnight. But I can't help but feel pressured when the boss assigned me a new task today. I have never done it before, well, not at least without the presence of the senior colleague. I have not even master the software programme yet, and now, I have to come up with the whole thing on my own. Too bad my senior colleague is having her 2-weeks long Raya break. Oh man! I'm left 'stark-naked' on my own here. I feel stupid and inferior all over.

If one day, I have decided to leave this place, it would be because I am bold enough to step out from the norm. My superior is nice enough to teach me what was not taught in classrooms, and also exposed me to opportunities for training, and with that said, I have no idea how I would end up, a year from now. That thought, scares the shit out of me!